Stupid Useless Vehicles

I've always said that the term "SUV" was coined by the advertising department to get women and girly-men to drive trucks.

Now MSN wants to get into the act. They decry the fad of large Stupid Useless Vehicles driven by women and girly-men sucking down large amounts of carbon-based fuel poisoning Mother Gaia.

I know of several industries that have need of these large trucks, the construction and farming industries to name two. Other than that, the ownership of these (actually very useful) vehicles doesn't make much sense, especially the four-wheel drive varieties that very rarely, if ever, saw any time off-road, or even in rough weather. Their road presence greatly expanded when Federal mandates on fuel economy made cars smaller and less safe, and since the station wagon was so last-century the "SUV" was born.

Interesting side story, one winter during a snowstorm I was driving doctors back and forth from home to hospital in my little Chevy Cavalier. One doc had two of these SUVs, one a BMW and the other an H2, both 4WD. He looked disdainfully at my beat up Chevy and declared we would never make it to the hospital. I told him either drive one of his own vehicles or STFU. We made it, of course.

In other words, the SUV "fad" only stopped making sense when Yuppies got involved, as is usually the case. The Chevy Suburban has been on the market since 1935, the GMC version only slightly less longer (it showed up around 1937), so the ownership of these vehicles are by no means new, trendy, or faddish.

The only difference is that now women and girly-men drive them, and car-makers like Cadillac and BMW have their names on them.

PS: I feel as if I must clarify the above. My issue is not with the vehicles themselves, which are actually quite useful and much safer than the econoboxes that presently occupy most of the road space in the US today. My issue is with the term "SUV".

If you drive an "SUV" you are either a woman or a girly man. Real men drive trucks, and we're not ashamed of it.

Worse now is the new term on the block, XUV, which apparently means "Station wagon all jacked up on a tall frame to look like a real truck."

My apologies to any girly men who are offended. Please submit the complaint form found here to the appropriate authorities. The complaint officer here at the Last Refuge of a Scoundrel is Helen Waite. Please take all of your problems to Helen Waite.