10 January 2012

Laws and Lawyers

Today we went to see Eldest Son's lawyer regarding his divorce. He managed to answer all of Eldest Son's questions to his satisfaction, so it looks like everything is working out OK.

That doesn't mean I've changed my mind about lawyers. Do you know why there are so many dead lawyer jokes?

More below the fold. This is mostly a PG rated blog and there might be absolutely is a profanity laced rant down there. Proceed at your own risk. You have been warned.

DANGER: PROCEED WITH CAUTION
Because the sanctimonious arrogant condescending assholes fucking DESERVE it, that's why! Half of the sonsabitches should be lined up against the wall and brutally massacred with a fucking pitchfork up their ass as a warning to the rest of them. Yes, I fucking said it. Fuck you, that's why, if you are a lawyer you should commit suicide out of shame. All that education and you should be able to find honest work, like playing piano in a whorehouse. If I had a choice between being a lawyer and sucking dick I'd suck dick. You and doctors, you use all that fucking Latin so the commoners can't understand what you are saying and you make the excuse that English just doesn't convey the same meaning...and then you motherfuckers argue about the meaning ANYWAY! Here's a fucking example for you...SHALL NOT BE INFRINGED! What does THAT mean????

If it weren't for lawyers gaming the system in their favor we wouldn't need them and they fucking know it. Prostitution is a more honorable profession, at least they are honest about fucking you out of your money and a good whore doesn't make you want to fucking puke about having to go to see her. We have so many fucking lawyers that our unemployment should be at zero fucking percent because the tar and feathers factory should be always needing more workers for all the overtime shifts they are working.

This doesn't mean that I don't appreciate the value of some of them at least. I want all of our criminal scumbags to have the best defense that money can buy, so that when we strap them into Old Sparky we can pull the switch on them knowing that they deserved what they are getting. I just wish that they could be holding the hand of the bottom feeding scum sucking asstwat that was with them in the courtroom when the lever is pulled, that's all. (And they can take the candlelight vigil asswipes that stand outside the prison protesting the death penalty for baby raping buttpirates with them, just have them stand in a great big jerkoff circle holding hands and singing Koom-bye-fucking-ya. ZZZZZAAAAPPPP!)

Also, douchebags? When you have enough evidence to go to trial and get a conviction? GO TO FUCKING TRIAL! The victims of crime deserve a CONVICTION, not a FUCKING PLEA DEAL that lets the dickhole that murdered their ENTIRE FAMILY cause they were HOME get a "life with no possibility of parole" sentence instead of a chemically induced float down the river Styx straight onto the barbed cock of Satan because you don't want to take a chance of PISSING OFF YOUR COUNTRY CLUB BRETHEREN or "GASP" run the possibility of actually LOSING! Guess what, if you lose it's because either 1) you didn't do YOUR FUCKING JOB well enough or 2) the defense attorney was JUST PLAIN FUCKING BETTER THAN YOUR IGNORANT ASS. If you don't have enough evidence to go to trial go for the deal...otherwise, clear your schedule buttercup and take it before the judge!

Hey, guess what the number one profession of politicians is?

Shakespeare was too fucking easy on them.

Whew. Glad I was able to get that off of my chest.

This link shamelessly swiped from Sean.

Also, spellcheck doesn't recognize "spellcheck" or "sonsabitches" but every form of "fuck" is recognized. Go figure.

Appropriate apologies due to BiW. Sorry dude, but lay down with dogs...

5 comments:

Sean D Sorrentino said...

I'm glad you got that off your chest too. That sounded like an incipient heart attack.

Da Curly Wolf said...

ROFL...tell us how you REALLY feel Larry. *grin* That being said I have a lawyer in the family. If he dropped dead tomorrow I'd dance a jig.....and I can't dance. Lawyers are a major problem in this country. It's stunning when you find out just how many of them are current serving and some very long serving, politicians.

alaskan454 said...

Amen! When they open hunting season on lawyers, I'll be first in line to buy a license. I have zero use for the parasites, either.

I'd say that you've been taking lessons from me, but you're a sailor. Sailors know how to properly utilize profanity, as you have aptly demonstrated.

MSgt B said...

Don't hold back, Larry.

Tell us how you really feel.

Ha Ha

I am soooooo linking this one...

Larry said...

Sean, I'm feeling much better now.
CW, I'm not saying they are completely useless (they can always serve as a bad example, fr'instance), but they make themselves more valuable by making the laws so complicated that even THEY can't understand them (see TAXES for a good example).
alaskan454, we'll go get our licenses together and see if we can't bag our limit every day for the entire season. ;) One thing the Navy taught me is that the F'bomb can be verb, adverb and noun. I had one particularly skillful Master Chief utter a sentence that was made of nothing but various forms of the F'bomb. It was magnificent.
MSgt B, link away!
Thanks for dropping by guys!