11 July 2009

Stupid Useless Vehicles

I've always said that the term "SUV" was coined by the advertising department to get women and girly-men to drive trucks.

Now MSN wants to get into the act. They decry the fad of large Stupid Useless Vehicles driven by women and girly-men sucking down large amounts of carbon-based fuel poisoning Mother Gaia.

I know of several industries that have need of these large trucks, the construction and farming industries to name two. Other than that, the ownership of these (actually very useful) vehicles doesn't make much sense, especially the four-wheel drive varieties that very rarely, if ever, saw any time off-road, or even in rough weather. Their road presence greatly expanded when Federal mandates on fuel economy made cars smaller and less safe, and since the station wagon was so last-century the "SUV" was born.

Interesting side story, one winter during a snowstorm I was driving doctors back and forth from home to hospital in my little Chevy Cavalier. One doc had two of these SUVs, one a BMW and the other an H2, both 4WD. He looked disdainfully at my beat up Chevy and declared we would never make it to the hospital. I told him either drive one of his own vehicles or STFU. We made it, of course.

In other words, the SUV "fad" only stopped making sense when Yuppies got involved, as is usually the case. The Chevy Suburban has been on the market since 1935, the GMC version only slightly less longer (it showed up around 1937), so the ownership of these vehicles are by no means new, trendy, or faddish.

The only difference is that now women and girly-men drive them, and car-makers like Cadillac and BMW have their names on them.

PS: I feel as if I must clarify the above. My issue is not with the vehicles themselves, which are actually quite useful and much safer than the econoboxes that presently occupy most of the road space in the US today. My issue is with the term "SUV".

If you drive an "SUV" you are either a woman or a girly man. Real men drive trucks, and we're not ashamed of it.

Worse now is the new term on the block, XUV, which apparently means "Station wagon all jacked up on a tall frame to look like a real truck."

My apologies to any girly men who are offended. Please submit the complaint form found here to the appropriate authorities. The complaint officer here at the Last Refuge of a Scoundrel is Helen Waite. Please take all of your problems to Helen Waite.

5 comments:

Hammer said...

I've got a wife and 3 kids and when we travel I need room for them and all their stuff. People told me to get a mini van but when I did safety research I decided to protect my family with a solid frame vehicle with better crash ratings.

When I drive 55mph my 5.4L Ford expedition gets 29mpg at 60mph it gets 26mpg at 70 I get 20mpg, at 80I get 17mpg I don't know of many minivans that get that kind of mileage.

Larry said...

Ah, but do you drive an SUV, or do you drive a truck?
Inquiring minds want to know...
BTW, this shows a clear need for a solid frame station wagon, a car that fell out of favor in the late 80's and early 90's.
I don't know why the term "SUV" irritates me so, but it does.

Hammer said...

Good point..I think it's a truck with an interior where the bed should be.

Other so called SUV's are probably no better than coors cans on wheels

cary said...

I prefer the term "QX4" since that's what I drive.

I use it to haul my tools and supplies; if I am going to buy something that won't fit inside I pull my utility trailer to haul it. Keeping everything inside cuts down on the Home Depot and Lowes parking lot shoppers.

I also use it to haul the four dogs around when they need hauling. Wife won't let them get in the Camry for some reason. Something about shedding...

And, yes, I've had it off road, up gullies, in snow to it's axles, and pointed up, down, and sideways at angles that the government would think way beyond excessive but I found to be charmingly relaxing. A couple of times I had Jeep "guys" look at me like I was crazy.

Larry said...

heh...so is that a car, a truck, an "SUV", or an "XUV"?

My opinion of "XUV" is a bit less than "SUV" because at least "SUV" is just a girlyfied name for a real truck. I'm not quite sure what the crossdresser is really trying to be.