21 February 2015

Dear Laura

I can't help but think that you had a hand in the events of the past two weeks.

Perhaps it is just superstitious foolishness, perhaps we do fool ourselves in believing these things in order to make our lives easier to live; if that is so then it hurts no one, but I believe it to be true.

You knew me better than anyone else in the world has ever known me, and you loved me in spite of it. You knew all my faults and foibles, all my weaknesses and all my strengths. You knew the worst of me, and you were the best of me. Who else, then, would have found someone so perfect for me?

You told me not to be alone. I was angry at the time, I said things I wish I had never said, but you forgave me. It didn't mean as much then as it means now, but now...it means everything. Sis told me that I should let you go, that I should release you to your rest, but I selfishly hung on because you were the best of me and I did not want to lose that.

She wants me to love her the way that I loved you, but what she does not know is I will love her better because of the lessons I learned with you. Because I learned the value of time.

I wasted a lot of time with you doing other things when I should have been loving you as hard as I could every waking moment of every day. When you are young you think you have all the time in the world, but when you are older you realize that ALL you have is all the time in the world. I learned the true meaning of that during those last desperate hours with you.

It was a mistake, and I won't make it again.

She wants to take the time to savor the moment; in that she is wiser than I because I want to start forever right now. She needs this as much as I do, but she needs the time just as much. She deserves the time, and so do I.

We have all the time in the world.

And now it is time for me to let you go to your rest. Thank you for all the lessons I learned with you, you will always have a piece of my heart...and of course my soul, that goes without saying...but I will move on now the way you wanted me to. I can do that now. Come what may, I can do that now.

Goodbye my love. I will see you when I get there.


MSgt B said...

Damn dust.

Guffaw in AZ said...

I'm sorry for your loss.


Old NFO said...

God Bless you. Those words had to be harder to write than any of us know.

Larry said...

MSgt B, yeah it's bad this time of year.

GFA, it was a long time ago and I've been holding on to it long enough.

Old NFO, it needed to be done.

Thanks for dropping by.

RabidAlien said...

Allergies. Stupid frikkin cedar....

That took a strength to write that I don't think I'd have.

Larry said...

It took me a while RA.

Thanks for dropping by.

Brigid said...

I am glad you told me before it was news here and I am so very happy for you. This just made me tear up. Mom wanted Dad to marry again, as he was still fairly young. He didn't want to and swore he wouldn't. She insisted. They were set up by friends on a blind date. Dad was afraid to tell me, I was in college and still very attached to Mom's memory. But once I spent time with her I knew Mom would want this for him. Dad and my stepmom had 30 wonderful years together and she was very kind and loving towards my brother and I. As Dad said "how lucky am I - I got to meet the love of my life - TWICE!"

Many blessings for you going forward.

Larry said...

Thanks Brigid, she's worried about whether the girls will like her or not but I think she'll do just fine.