22 May 2009

Soul Searching

We are back home again, we got in last night. It's good to be home.

Today we went to have dinner with some friends that we haven't seen for a while and it was a good time had by all.

On the way home I remarked that it seems as if her depth perception is suffering a bit.

She told me I wasn't supposed to have noticed that. It's one of the by-products of the chemo.

She then asked me how much I really knew about her illness. I told her I knew more than I let on.

It's easy to forget what is going on because she doesn't look sick. The fact remains that she is, and the illness is fatal.

But then again, life itself is fatal. No one lives through it.

This is why we spend a lot of time not talking about it. There isn't anything we can do about it, so we just enjoy the time we have together and we don't worry about things we can't change.

This says it best.

4 comments:

Hammer said...

I'm not sure how else one can live except for the way you describe.

I hope you guys enjoy every moment possible.

Larry said...

That's true Hammer, you just have to deal with what's in front of you.

HoosierArmyMom said...

Larry, my father taught me the greatest lesson I ever learned about real, sustaining love, when my mother was sick with the dreaded "B-Cell type, Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma".
Throughout her illness I watch my once strong, former marine father with a bad heart and Parkinson's disease care for her like she was his little baby. He was determined that she would die in her own home, surrounded by all of us who loved her most, and he made it happen. I was blessed to live next door to Dad throughout the trial and the three years that followed before he went to join her, and it was the best learning years I ever had with dad. May God bless both of you at this time in your lives and know you are in my prayers.

I would like to mention one more thing as food for thought. The Germans have a treatment that has been highly successful that you don't hear about here, probably because the pharmaceutical companies are greedy, but it involves raising the temperature of the blood (in a controlled clinical environment) as to manually induce a fever over a period of time. It seems cancer cells and tumors die off and shrink when the body temperature is in a "fever" state. It has been highly successful and my understanding is that it isn't as expensive as formal medical treatments here. Many Americans go there for these treatments and have had great success. It might be something you would want to look into. Feel free to email me if you like and I'll point you to what I can about it.

God Bless you and Boo both.

if this is a duplicate... please delete... I tried posting from google and I'm not sure it worked.

Larry said...

It worked, no duplicates!

Thanks for the prayers and well-wishes. It's been a roller coaster for the last two years, and nothing has really gone as expected. She's determined to stick around for at least another ten years until the youngest turns 18, who knows maybe by then the Germans will have had some significant breakthroughs on their treatments and it will have passed the FDA hurdles. A lot can happen between now and then.

Whatever happens, though, I am grateful for the time I've had with her and I've learned to cherish every moment.