23 June 2011


Youngest Son has been having some behavioral problems lately, and last night we had it out a bit.

It seems as if he feels guilty about not being home when Mom collapsed, not that there was anything he could have done about it. He was off with Sis at the time and he feels like he should have been here when she needed him.

He has been doing stupid things and then telling his friends about it, knowing that they will tell Sis so that he would be caught and punished for it. His need to be punished is due to the guilt he feels for not being home.

It was kind of rough at times, but I told him a bit about the anger and helplessness that I felt over Mom's sickness at the time so that he would know he wasn't the only one who had these issues. I let him know in no uncertain terms that there were no excuses for the behavioral problems and that those would have to cease immediately, but I think he knows now that he can talk to me about it.

I also made it clear that he was not off the hook. Actions have consequences, I told him, and he will have to work at gaining back the trust he has thrown away, both with me and Sis. He says he understands that, but I'm sure there will be hard times ahead before it's done.

I'm not a psychologist by any means, and the sad fact is that when the professionals get involved it sometimes creates more problems than it cures. I am hopeful that the discussion I had with him last night will be the beginning of the end of the problems, if not we may have to get the professionals involved whether we want to or not.

If it were easy everyone would do it, I guess.


Anniee451 said...

That is one heavy weight for a boy to take onto his shoulders. I don't see how any stranger could help him bear it and cast it off.

I'm glad you're keeping the lines of communication open. Very good idea.

Matt said...

Most likely having a solid parental figure around will be enough. Sometimes it just takes time.

PBJdreamer said...

It sounds like you are very insightful about this....sometimes I think that grief is like ripples in a pond that grow wider and wider.

I hope he is able to come to a peaceful place about this soon.

that is all

Larry said...

I hope so Matt. I was worried about him, I didn't think he gave himself any time to grieve and it looks like I was right. Hopefully things will get better now.
Thanks for dropping by!

Larry said...

It is a heavy weight Anniee, and he was Mom's baby. I hope that between Sis and I we can handle it.
Thanks for dropping by!

Larry said...

PBJ, I hope he can, too. I think that he will if he lets himself, he just had to know it wasn't his fault.
Thanks for dropping by!